A Likely Scenario

We've been hearing a lot of noise from Orly Taitz, Leo Donofrio, Mario Apuzzo and the rest of the birther crowd. Leo Donofrio, a pro poker player and part-time lawyer, invented from whole cloth the theory that a natural born citizen is only someone whose parents were both citizens at the time of his birth. He then embellished his invention with a third class of citizen: native born. In his imagination, a native born citizen is someone born on US soil, has 14th Amendment citizenship, but cannot aspire to the presidency because one, or none, of his parents were US citizens at the time of birth. His legal theory, for which several lawsuits have been filed, is that Barack Obama is a native born citizen, but not a natural born citizen, because his father was not a US citizen when he was born on US soil. According to his fetid imagination, Barack Obama cannot therefore be president.

I hate to tell the Denialists, AKA birthers, about hundreds of women crossing from Mexico everyday to give birth in midwife clinics in border cities like El Paso.

And here is a scenario which will happen one day:

Mercedes Rodriguez, 16, is pregnant by her boyfriend. When she feels labor is going to start, she crosses from Juarez to El Paso on the trolley, to one of the many midwife clinics which cater to Spanish speaking patients. A midwife delivers a boy, and a representative from the El Paso Bureau Of Vital Statistics visits Mercedes, and records the birth of Hector Rodriguez. For "father," she records "unknown." Mercedes does not go back to Mexico, and finds a job in a hair salon. A social worker goes to where Mercedes and her son are living, to make sure he is well taken care of, and helps her register him for school when he is old enough.

Hector does so well in school, that he is given a complete scholarship to Harvard, and when he completes his degree in Political Science, he returns to El Paso. After being elected to the City Council, he is elected mayor. Then, with the help of Hispanics and other people, he announces his intention to become the first Hispanic president. He wins the election as a Democrat, and his mother is thankful she was able to give birth in the United States.

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Better get used to it, Denialists. It's going to happen.

Limbaugh Gets BA Degree

SANTA ANA - Rush Limbaugh, the noted AM radio kibitzer, has been awarded a BA degree by the William Howard Taft University, according to president Dr. David Boykin.

Taft University is a world renowned correspondence institute, which has the country's finest Constitutional attorney, Orly Taitz, among its illustrious alumni. Ms. Taitz, with the encouragement of Mr. Limbaugh, is currently on track to expose President Obama as a native of Ruritania, having been born in the capital city of Carotid.

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Mr. Limbaugh's major is in Outer Space Physics, with a minor in Snow Flake Geometry. Mr. Limbaugh said he hopes to put his degree to good use, by slandering anyone who is not a white reactionary, and then hiding behind the 1st Amendment when the subject points out that what Limbaugh said is made from whole cloth.

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Mr. Limbaugh cited as an example his statement that President Obama does not have a valid birth certificate, is protected free speech. Specifically, Mr. Limbaugh stated on his radio show "What do Obama and God have in common? Neither has a birth certificate."

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What do Rush Limbaugh and a horse have in common? They both have a huge asshole. And it's protected free speech to point out that Rush Limbaugh is a junkie, and a world class hypocrite. What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and a reptile? One is hatched from eggs, eats insects, and sleeps under a rock. The other is a reptile.

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And that's protected by the 1st Amendment.

A Jewish Pogrom

Part Two is here.

First, let me state I am Jewish, and I am a Zionist. Before readers start cursing me, let me state that Zionism is simply the belief that Jewish people should have their own homeland, their own refuge. I was raised surrounded by survivors, and I agree. Germans have their Fatherland, Russians have their Motherland, and now the Kurds have a de facto Kurdistan.

What's left out is a subset of Arabs - the Palestinians.

What makes me embarrassed to say I am a Zionist, is what the Settlers, the Israeli right wing, and their evangelical amen chorus are doing in the name of Zionism. What Germans did to us, some of us are doing to Arabs. Arabs in Israel are treated the way black people in the States used to be treated - I've seen it, and I have tried to stop it, and gotten the same treatment civil rights workers in the States got.

Arabs are not 1930s Germans, and it is vile to make that comparison. Among the Arabs I know, I have not met one Jew hater. But among the Anglos I have contact with, I have met plenty of anti-Semites. Jews were far better off in the Ottoman Empire than they were in Europe, where they lived in constant fear. There is not one Muslim nation which built a concentration camp. That was Christian Europe's contribution to history. Among the Arabs I have met, no one has denied Israel's right to exist - they simply want social justice for all Arabs, and I am on their side.

We of all people know better. We, of all people, are engaging in pogroms against Arabs. The Occupation, which has gone on since 1967, is debasing us all. We, of all people, stand for social justice. We should be using Dr. King, Desmond Tutu, Nelson Mandela, and Gandhi as our models - not 1933 Germany.

We learned collective punishment from Germany, and we have been good students. Judaism does not believe in collective guilt, nor in collective punishment - and that is what we have been doing. Judaism stands for social justice, and it has been hijacked by a noisy band of fanatics, who assassinated Rabin for daring to shake hands with Arafat. And as far as hands go, Menachem Begin had as much blood on his hands as Arafat, so we can stop the righteous indignation.

Here is what happened in Gaza, which has gotten lost in the noise. After the pullout, Bush insisted on elections in Gaza. He is an evangelical, and has a twisted view of the world. Hamas ran on an anti-corruption platform, and after winning, they marched Fatah members out of Gaza at gunpoint. So much for democracy. Hamas then instituted draconian Shari'a. Next, they grabbed an IDF soldier, Gilad Shalit.

Israel demanded him back; Hamas said only for a prisoner exchange. Israel then decided to starve Gaza into submission. They closed the border crossing, cut off electricity, withheld customs duties, and harassed supply ships.

Hamas then started firing rockets into Israel. Then Israel had its version of Shock And Awe. Two days before Obama's inauguration, Israel declared its goals had been met, and withdrew along with stopping the bombing campaign. Of course - with Obama as president, the US was no longer going to give Israel carte blanche.

During WWII, there wasn't any question of who was right, and who was wrong. This is one time in history when both sides are wrong, and there are plenty of wrongs to go around. There are enough wrongs from all sides to fill an entire library. And I say: enough. Enough of this madness, which has degraded into clinical insanity. Everyone remembers what your grandfather did to my grandfather. It's time to stop licking our wounds. Both sides are living under siege, and both sides are going clinically insane - which is why I am glad I live in the States.

Arab nations, led by Saudi Arabia, have said it best of all: go back to the 1967 borders, and we will together form an economic union like the European EU. And the Israeli right wing, egged on by evangelicals, said hell no.

King Hussein -may he rest in peace- in his wisdom, said he would give up his claim on Jordan's West Bank, so that could become Palestine. And the Israeli settlers, financed by evangelicals, said hell no. Apparently, the West Bank was promised to the settlers in some book, written several thousand years ago. I have a deed to my loft, but it was issued by the Philadelphia government, which carries a lot more weight than what the settlers are basing their claim on.

I've talked to some evangelicals, who told me with a perfectly straight face, that the West Bank was promised to the settlers, in the Bible. So I guess it's a closed case.

I make this warning: the mistreatment of Arabs will haunt all of us. No one is going to put up with the continual trashing of civil rights. By denying Arabs their civil rights, by heaping indignities upon Arabs, we are losing our dignity, we are debasing ourselves. Denying social justice to Arabs, denies social justice to ourselves.

You have been warned.

Orly Taitz - Adultery With Felons And Other Birthers

Lucas Daniel Smith has described in a Declaration, how he and a thrice disbarred felon, have committed adultery with Orly Taitz, a dentist/diploma mill lawyer/real estate agent. The graphic language in it is usually found in pornographic novels.

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Taitz is the conductor of the birther crazy train, who has made her life's mission to hound President Obama out of office, primarily by filing harassing lawsuits and circulating scurrilous rumors.

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A sanction of $20K has not silenced her, but made her more strident and more shrill. Now, she is encouraging her cultists to harass private citizens.

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Taitz is dangerous. She goes to gun shows and gives incendiary speeches, hoping to incite a lone wolf. She is determined to drive President Obama out of office, by any means she can think of. She has a pathological hatred of President Obama because he is black and has a Muslim name, and she is an Islamophobe. She is BFF with Wiley Drake, an Orange County Baptist minister, who has asked his parishioners to pray for Obama's death.

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Taitz must be stopped.

Orly Taitz - Racist

This is on Orly Taitz's Facebook wall. I am not endorsing any of it. I believe in exposing the lie that opposition to President Obama is only because of his policies. It is race, pure and simple. This is what Ms. Taitz gleefully published (I have reproduced all the spelling and syntax errors):

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"U sir appear to be corrupt and irresponsible in administering ur duties as a Judge at any level. We have an oppurtunity to find out once and for all who or what this "Userper" is.

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If he is who and what he says he is, then OK and I will g...ive him serious consideration.

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Right now, without proof, he is just another Animal Beast of the Field or shall I say "nigger"

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If "it" truly is in Office legally, then "it" would be the first well trained animal to hold the Office of President of the United States.

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If u accept my challenge, I would require a Birth Certificate and a Driver's License to show who u r and prove u have not sent some "Ringer" in ur stead. I, of course will do the same...U do have a Birth Certificate?

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Thank U-Obama would have to be "Human" for me to be a "Racist"

Another Kenya Birth Certificate For My Cat

click on the certificate for a close-up

Notice to birthers: thank you for providing me with material. I'm having more fun than any of you could ever imagine. Keep those certificates coming. I can't wait for the next one to be published.

Here We Go Again - Another Kenya Birth Certificate

click on the certificate for a close-up

Inhaler Etiquette

by Miss Manners, with D. Vader
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Most people who regularly use asthma inhalers or nebulizers, do not know the proper etiquette that goes along with their use. I hope to use my many years of experience to help others become welcome, polite denizens. Follow these simple tips, and you will be graciously invited into homes, workplaces, ambulances and hospitals the world over.

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First, whenever you are seated with others, offer the inhaler to all those in close proximity. To those immediately next to you, proffer the inhaler and simply ask "wanna toke?" You should do this, even if the people around you are not asthmatic. It is bad manners to merely give the appearance of being someone who would bogart what you are using, and enjoying. This also applies to your using a nebulizer, although it is more difficult to pass around something that is tethered.

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Remember the soundtrack from Easy Rider: "Don't bogart that inhaler, my friend/Pass it over to me." The Fraternity Of Man and Country Joe And The Fish, have been singing this advice since at least 1968. Wiser words have never been spoken.

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If you have difficulty speaking, use hand signals for messages like "I think I'm going to pass out," and "call an ambulance." Watching Monty Python re-runs will show you how to sign such things, along with hand signals for "I can't breathe." Mel Brooks movies also have valuable lessons on hand signals.

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OTC inhalers can be purchased world wide, and they work - I speak from experience. In an emergency, they can be used usually with good results until you get home, or the ER. Remember to offer to share an OTC inhaler, too. They contain epinephrine, which even non-asthmatics will get a kick from. You'll be remembered as the life of the party when you pass one of those around.

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If your dog has asthma, don't try home remedies. Ask your veterinarian for the best means of treatment. What works for you, may not work for your dog. And what works for your dog, may not work for you. Remember, the only pet who ever carried on an intelligent conversation was Mr. Ed, and he has died - but not from asthma, just old age.

Batmobile Comes To NYC

The Dominatrix Dominator came to visit NYC yesterday, an 8,500 pound kinky ride built on a Chevy Tahoe frame.

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It's used by people who get their thrills driving into tornadoes, while everyone else who is sane, drive away or hide in their basements. So far, it has withstood 155 mile-an-hour winds, which is better than the average mobile home. Mobile home parks and tornadoes seem to have an affinity for each other.

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The Batmobile Dominator caused quite a stir, with people chasing it for photographs with their mobile phones.

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A good time was had by all.

Electric Cars Are Dangerous

Extra: N Carolina to regulate sale of cereal

by Rodney Scattergood

President, ExxonMobil

Did you know electric cars are dangerous contraptions? It's true. You could plug in your car to recharge its batteries, and be electrocuted. You could just be sitting in it, turn it on, and be shocked - and you haven't even left your home. You could just be sitting in the car as a passenger, and be shocked. You could be in an accident, and the rescue workers could not touch your car, because of the danger of electrocution - and you'll be trapped and left to die. All because you tried to save yourself some gasoline money.

The fact is, gasoline and diesel fuel have a 100-year history of reliably powering our vehicles. No matter if it is a car, truck, train, or airplane, fuels made from crude oil have a proven track record. You can buy whatever you need to power whatever vehicle you are in, at millions of places around the world, wherever you are. You can't say that about electric cars - which will leave you stranded, sometimes in bad neighborhoods.

And fuels made from crude oil are inexpensive, unlike the batteries in electric cars. Did you know the only reliable source of lithium for those batteries, is Bolivia - a country which hates us, and is run by a committed socialist communist? We'll be dependent on another country to make our transportation system run. They could turn off the spigot supply at any time, and we'll be back in the Dark Ages.

Right now we get most of our crude oil from Canada, an English speaking country run by people who love our way of life. Why tempt fate? And you'll never run out of gasoline in your lifetime, unlike lithium for those batteries which are not perfected. Do you want to be a guinea pig? Of course not.

Americans work hard for their pay. Why put your hard earned dollars into buying a contraption, when those same dollars will buy a proven, reliable car, powered by gasoline - which you can buy right at the corner.

Keep a 100-year tradition alive. Your neighbors will thank you. And so will I.

Andy Williams Attacks Obama, Loves Murderer

When you're white, you can get away with anything, even murder. Now, Andy Williams has attacked President Obama, saying "Obama is following Marxist theory. He wants the country to fail," and said one of the people he associates with "is registered as a Communist," without naming that person.

Williams does not have any compunction about championing a murderer, as long as the killer is French, female and pretty. Just like Susan Cummings - wealthy, French, female and pretty, like a gun slinging Botticelli.

Williams has joined the chorus of right wingers denouncing Obama with vitriol as a subversive, Manchurian candidate president. This is the same Williams who does not have any problem being an advocate for someone who got away with murder.

This is the same Williams who is stone silent when reactionary white men call for a military coup. If this was being preached when George Bush was president, they would be prosecuted. Instead, they are tolerated, even humored.

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Here's what is under the surface: I don't look Jewish; I look like a Moscovite. I had contemplated living in Colorado Springs because I have asthma. At the end of a job interview there, the manager interviewing me asked if I had begun looking for a place to stay. I said yes, and was interested in a condominium or townhouse. He then mentioned a section of the Springs, and said "You wouldn't want to live there. It's too dark for you." I decided to stay on the East coast.

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Jimmy Carter was correct. I hear it all the time. The vitriol gets continually worse, and Thomas Friedman has warned about it. Orly Taitz travels around the country, giving incendiary speeches at gun shows, hoping to incite a lone wolf.

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There is a symbiotic relationship of right wing Israelis with apocalyptic evangelicals, determined to thwart President Obama's goal of creating Palestine. The Republicans do not want compromise; their goal is to ruin Obama's presidency and legacy, nothing more.