40 Acres and a Mule

Louie Gohmert (Z - Mars) is at it again. Taking a cue from 1865, Gohmert, a congressman from the Confederacy, has revived 40 acres and a mule from the Reconstruction Era. Notice how conservatives always want to regress? Usually, conservatives pine for 1950 or 1865, a time when America was a wholesome place.

"How 'bout if instead of the welfare, we give 'em an alternative. We'll give you so many acres that can provide land where you can live off of it, make a living and we'll give you seed money to start, but you have to sign an agreement that you'll never accept welfare again. How 'bout that? We got plenty of land."

I was joking about (Z - Mars). Gohmert is a Republican from Texas, which explains everything.

Bubbles Lectures Palin, O'Donnell

NATIONAL ZOO - Bubbles, a chimpanzee in Washington, DC, is holding regular lecture sessions on science and evolution.
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He has asked that Sarah Palin and Christine O'Donnell attend his lectures. He has assured them of gentlemen C grades, as they have become accustomed to.
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Bubbles first lecture is going to explain evolution, Darwin's observations, and how they apply to Palin, O'Donnell and other fundamentalists like John Hagee. His subsequent lectures will encompass scientific explanations for all phenomena.
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Bubbles is hoping his lectures make an impression on Ms. Palin and Ms. O'Donnell, although he has expressed skepticism.

Jews For Cheeses

I am announcing the formation of a new ministry to the Jewish people: Jews For Cheeses.
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Jewish peoples' lives are empty, because their stomachs are filled with Velveeta rather than Valdeon, or Vacherin Fribourgeois. Just think how physically and spiritually fulfilled Jewish people would be, if they were to partake of Affidelice instead of American.

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I know what you are thinking: how to witness to the Jewish people the joys of Chaource, or how to partake of Epoisses? How can we bring the message of Crottin, and give peace to their palates?

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The Jewish people are not complete, for they know not Gouda. Jewish people know the son of Kraft, but not the son of Gouda.

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So please, if you meet a Jewish person, press upon him a copy of La vache qui rit, and send him to heaven.

Dog Dancing the Merengue

I could not resist.

Onward Christian Soldiers

It's not just Muslims doing this. "Pastor" Terry Jones is an anti-Semite, too.

Is Lakin a Citizen?

click on the certificate for a close-up