Inhaler Etiquette

by Miss Manners, with D. Vader
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Most people who regularly use asthma inhalers or nebulizers, do not know the proper etiquette that goes along with their use. I hope to use my many years of experience to help others become welcome, polite denizens. Follow these simple tips, and you will be graciously invited into homes, workplaces, ambulances and hospitals the world over.

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First, whenever you are seated with others, offer the inhaler to all those in close proximity. To those immediately next to you, proffer the inhaler and simply ask "wanna toke?" You should do this, even if the people around you are not asthmatic. It is bad manners to merely give the appearance of being someone who would bogart what you are using, and enjoying. This also applies to your using a nebulizer, although it is more difficult to pass around something that is tethered.

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Remember the soundtrack from Easy Rider: "Don't bogart that inhaler, my friend/Pass it over to me." The Fraternity Of Man and Country Joe And The Fish, have been singing this advice since at least 1968. Wiser words have never been spoken.

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If you have difficulty speaking, use hand signals for messages like "I think I'm going to pass out," and "call an ambulance." Watching Monty Python re-runs will show you how to sign such things, along with hand signals for "I can't breathe." Mel Brooks movies also have valuable lessons on hand signals.

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OTC inhalers can be purchased world wide, and they work - I speak from experience. In an emergency, they can be used usually with good results until you get home, or the ER. Remember to offer to share an OTC inhaler, too. They contain epinephrine, which even non-asthmatics will get a kick from. You'll be remembered as the life of the party when you pass one of those around.

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If your dog has asthma, don't try home remedies. Ask your veterinarian for the best means of treatment. What works for you, may not work for your dog. And what works for your dog, may not work for you. Remember, the only pet who ever carried on an intelligent conversation was Mr. Ed, and he has died - but not from asthma, just old age.