Friday, December 28, 2018

My Plan To Save Lordstown

By Donald Trump
President of the United States of America

The Lordstown plant was closed by Democrats who are Communists to hurt my re-election. It's not going to work. I have a plan to save Lordstown. 

The plant will assemble the steel slats for the Wall, with steel supplied by my good Russian friend Oleg Deripaska. Mexico will pay for the Wall with tariffs on everything down to the last tomatoe.

I am a genius.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Astronauts Successfully Pass Van Heusen Belts

Radiation Not A Factor 

HUNTSVILLE - NASA has announced that astronauts have successfully passed through the Van Heusen radiation belts in their latest space exploration.

"We actually found that the Van Heusen radiation is quite benign, compared to the Van Allen belts,"  said Major Tom Bowie. 

"We don't think it will be a factor in our Mars mission, which will occur sometime after Trump leaves office," he added.

Monday, January 15, 2018

Nissan Introduces Flying Car

Test run 'qualified success' 

Test car
SANTA ANA - At an impromptu press conference held at 319 E 17th Street, Santa Ana,  Nissan spokesman Rodney Scattergood  called the initial test run "a qualified success."

"The test car performed remarkably well, considering the circumstances," Mr. Scattergood said. "The test driver and his assistant were fortunately wearing their seat belts and only had minor injuries. This is why Nissan always recommends wearing seat belts."

"Once the car is retrieved, Nissan can examine it and determine what went wrong. The car held up quite well and protected the occupants. Nissan designs its cars with passenger safety first."

When pressed, Mr. Scattergood said the test driver did not extend the wings in enough time, and the car only became partially airborne. 

Mr. Scattergood then ended the press conference and walked over to where the Santa Ana Search and Rescue teams had lowered the car. 

Monday, March 13, 2017

Alex Jones Is A Tranny

Jones' Boyfriend Revel Loam Speaks Out

"No Comment"
Alex Jones and his boyfriend Revel Loam have lent their names to bathroom bills making their way around state legislatures. 

"We finally have decided to speak out, so we can go everywhere together," Jones said. Jones also said he was speaking out because of rumors that he kept underage boys in his basement. "That's absolutely not true. I have only tried to conceal my relationship with Revel Loam. As of today, I am coming out."

"I'm not going to bury it in my basement anymore, so to speak," Jones said. His boyfriend, Revel Loam, did not want to be interviewed. He only said, "Gay relationships and gay marriage are now accepted. It's time."

Jones said he was not going to shout it through his trademark megaphone. "It speaks for itself," he said and then added in Latin "res ipsa loquitur." 

NYL wishes both the very best, and a long life together.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Yoho: Traumatic Brain Injury

Yahoo Yoho kicked in head by cow

WASHINGTON, DC - According to Dr. Bill Frist, Ted Yoho has traumatic brain injury.

Dr. Frist made his diagnosis after viewing a video of Ted Yoho talking about President Obama's birth circumstances. Dr. Frist viewed the video in a Congressional hallway, while looking at an iPad.

"It's obvious," said Dr. Frist. "From his delusions about President Obama's birth in Hawaii, to his stem winding speeches about nullifying everything President Obama has done, I think just that first time Yoho was kicked in the head by a cow was all it took to affect his thinking and perception. Subsequent kicks in the head just made it worse." 

Dr. Frist gave as an example, "Yoho said he is supporting legislation to investigate Obama's birth certificate further because if it is true, “we can get rid of everything he’s done.”" Dr. Frist then said, "Yoho also holds the delusion “if it is true [that Obama wasn't born in the US], it’s illegal, he shouldn’t be there and we can get rid of everything he’s done, and I said I agree with that.”"

Dr. Frist then shook his head sadly. "A MRI would determine the extent of the trauma, and a treatment course could be prescribed. I offer my services to my colleague."

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

The Zen of Aftermarket Lenses - A Series

Zeiss' $4,000 55mm Otus lens is here.

click for Spiratone ad
This is really going to date me. I got my lesson early about cameras, photography, mathematics and English.

I was an indifferent student. The one thing I loved was photography. I spent all of my spare time taking pictures, fixing cameras and building a darkroom. My step-sister gave me her Kodak Signet 35; I still have it. When I was 15, I got Time-Life's book on additions, and built a framed, wired darkroom. My step-father was opposed to art as a living and would not give any assistance, so my grandfather bought an enlarger for me - a Vivitar 66 with a Vivitar enlarging lens. I later bought a Nikon f/2.8 enlarging lens for it. 

After much reading of Popular Photography, and envy of a classmate who had a Nikon F, I wanted a SLR. I decided on a Pentax Spotmatic, doing my own research that rivaled Consumer Reports. My parents would not help me - "$200 for a camera?!" - so I got a paper route, and saved for a year. 

My mother then took me to a studio owned by Survivors.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Zeiss' $4,000 55mm Otus Lens

Diminishing returns meets Moore's Law

The Zen of aftermarket lenses is here.

Zeiss has announced a new lens series - Otus. Zeiss has started to name each lens series after birds. The first series is the Touit. Touits are a species of parrot. Otus is an owl genus.

I'm going to talk about diminishing returns. Computer programs easily compensate for lens compromises. I'm not going to say 'deficiencies,' because all manufactured goods are a compromise. All manufactured goods have tolerances - ANSI. Claims to the contrary, a product designed with no compromises would never be made, because it could never be completed. In this case, Zeiss' compromise is manual focus, rather than auto-focus. 

One reviewer who gushed over the Zeiss is Lloyd Chambers. Mr. Chambers offered this proof of the the Zeiss superiority (fair use claimed; non-commercial):

Mr. Chambers writes: "Observe the fine details within the iris of the cat's eyes as well as the small hairs."

This is a photograph I took of my cat:
click for a close-up

Readers may also observe the same fine details of the iris, small hairs and the reflections as well as the curvature of Max's cornea.
 I used a Fuji E-550. Details: Program, ISO 400, widest zoom with  macro, natural light from a south facing window.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Stephen Asma - Hypocrite

A Series - 4

click for a close-up

Stephen Asma recently wrote a NYT article extolling traditional Chinese medicine, for the common cold.  

"A few years ago, while visiting Beijing, I caught a cold. My wife, who is Chinese, and wanted me to feel better, took me to a local restaurant. After we sat down, she ordered a live turtle. The proprietors sent it over. I startled as the waiters unceremoniously cut the turtle’s throat, then poured its blood into a glass...The proprietor and waiters, now tableside, gestured with obvious pride for me to drink the potent medicine. I winced, found the courage, and drank up."
click for a close-up

Dr. Asma claims to be a Buddhist, having written Why I Am A BuddhistIf Dr. Asma was truly a Buddhist, he would have refused to let the turtle be tortured and killed. A true Buddhist would know the common cold is a virus, and lasts on average 72 hours. A true Buddhist would have taken Tylenol, and let the turtle live. He claims he felt better after this quackery. First, it's the placebo effect, and the virus dies out on its own. He would have felt better without any intervention.

Dr. Asma is a hypocrite.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Traditional Chinese Medicine - Traditional Theatre

A Series - 3

I developed asthma from the air and water pollution in Washington, DC. The belt from Washington to Virginia Beach is the asthma capital of the States. Adult onset asthma is worse than childhood asthma.

My wife is Chinese, and she insisted I try acupuncture. Our first stop was to a man in Silver Spring, Maryland. He had the basement converted into an office, in his split level house with a Jaguar parked in the driveway.
His fee, which he asked for at the beginning, was $200 - cash only, please. Each subsequent visit was $55. Cash, of course. He also told my wife that she had to take his treatment. Why? Treating the spouse with herbs is necessary to help the one who is sick. Another $55 plus herbs. He kept notes about us scribbled on a pad, which he kept in a desk drawer. When I asked about his credentials, he showed us an elaborate certificate, in Mandarin. He never showed us a Maryland license.

He gave us a lecture about barbaric western medicine, and how Chinese medicine had the same results without any side effects. After all, he was a doctor in China. He couldn't be a doctor in Maryland, because he could not pay what officials wanted - "They take bribes, you know."

The herbs, which looked like twigs, were foul smelling, and made the house reek even with the windows open when we brewed them. They were vile tasting, and I finally refused any more after two cups. "He said if it tastes good, it's not effective," my wife told me. After several more visits and several hundred dollars, he admitted he could not do anything for me.       

I said to my wife, "I could have told you that for free."                                               

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Traditional Chinese Medicine - Traditional Theatre

A Series - 2

click for a close-up
Part of TCM is the use of herbs, Chinese pharmaceuticals and animal parts. Animals like rhinos, elephants and tortoises are being hunted to extinction, to supply the insatiable Chinese market. Other animals, who were lucky enough to survive, are tortured for their blood, bile and organs. Chinese herbs and traditional pharmaceuticals are contaminated with heavy metals and harmful drugs. One common herbal supplement used in TCM is birthwort, a known carcinogen.

click for a close-up
TCM is more than theatre - it is deadly. TCM is more than harmless theatre - countless people have been fleeced of their earnings and savings, by the TCM equivalent of faith healers and televangelists.

My wife regularly came home with bruises after a "treatment" of TCM. One man during a "treatment" tried to rape her, telling her it was traditional Chinese medicine for infertility.

Whenever my wife told a TCM charlatan of my strenuous objections to what they were doing, or the money she was spending, the response in Mandarin was always 'He's a westerner and doesn't understand.' They then would tell her in Mandarin that she made a mistake to marry a Westerner. 'If you married a Chinese man, he would understand and help you.' Or, 'Why is your husband interfering?'

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Traditional Chinese Medicine - Traditional Theatre

First in a series

The New York Times recently published an article, The Enigma of Chinese Medicine. The author described his experiences with what is called traditional Chinese medicine, or TCM. I am going to write about my experiences, all of which were fraught with fraud.

TCM is quackery elevated to theatre. It is theatre that is in the realm of the absurd, with a script tailored on the fly by the director, to his mark's willing credulousnessIt is sold by charlatans to desperate prey. Along the way, animals are tortured, with some hunted to the brink of extinction. Under that white coat beats the heart of a businessman with zero ethics, giving false hope to terrified people grasping at a life preserver, in a sea of desperation.

I developed adult onset asthma from the air and water pollution in Washington, DC. The belt from DC to Virginia Beach is the US asthma capital, and acupuncturists and Chinese herb doctors are only too happy to set up shop there - it's happy hunting. And they're only too happy to tell you they can cure asthma - guaranteed.

My wife is Chinese, and she insisted I go to a motley bunch of people, all of which claimed they could do what western medicine could not. Everyone used 'western medicine' and 'western doctor' as a pejorative. All of them wanted cash only please - no checks. The few that would take a check, wanted it made out to 'cash.' None of them kept records. Whatever they needed to write down was scribbled on a small note pad, kept in a desk drawer.

All of them, after gaining trust, deteriorated into physical, verbal and financial abuse which my wife refused to acknowledge.  When I wanted to stop going, she became hysterical. All of them told my wife, in Mandarin, that if I stopped going I would die.

My experiences will continue in future posts.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Sen. Ted Cruz: 'Drink Your Urine'

"Urine more effective than vaccines"

WASHINGTON, DC - At a press conference today, Sen. Ted Cruz denounced Obamacare, calling it "more than socialism. It's the road to communism."

Sen. Cruz then said, "I have talked with medical experts in West, Texas and they have told me that drinking your own urine is more effective against disease than vaccines. There has never been a case of autism traced to urine. I recommend at least two glasses per day." Sen. Cruz then turned away from the microphone to compose himself.

"If everyone drank their own urine, they wouldn't need Obamacare. Hell, they wouldn't even need health insurance." Sen. Cruz then held up a glass of yellowish fluid, and drank it down in one chug.

"Hey, that has bubbles in it, " shouted one reporter. "Hey, there's foam at the top," shouted another. "That's beer," shouted a third. 

Sen. Cruz replied, visibly shaking, "Liberal lies. You people are communists - Fabian socialists at the least. You people want everyone to be dependent on government, when the answer is right under you."

Sen. Cruz then concluded, "I am calling on all true Americans, not people born in Kenya, to refuse Obamacare and take my advice about self-reliance and home remedies."