Libertarian Calls 911

HOUSTON - Bobbie Mackenzie, a Libertarian Party member and Ron Paul supporter called 911 today, during an asthma episode.

Mr. Mackenzie said he called the government against his principles. "First, I called my mom, but she couldn't get away from work. Then I called my friends in the Libertarian Party. Some didn't answer, and the others couldn't get here from work or classes. I finally broke down and called the rescue squad."

Mr. Mackenzie explained how government workers can't cut it in the private sector, as one Fire Department employee put an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. "I'll tell you, when Ron Paul is president he'll privatize fire departments," Mr. Mackenzie said as two rescue squad members lifted him onto a stretcher. "Once they're privatized, their union won't get them obscene salaries," he said as a Fire Department squad member put an IV line into a vein.

"When Rand Paul is president, the Fire Department will have to buy their own vehicles instead of the taxpayers," he said as the Rescue Squad wheeled him to an ambulance. "I suppose they're going to take me to a public hospital, instead of the one operated by Tenet," Mr. Mackenzie said from the back of the ambulance. "Well, the free ride at the expense of taxpayers is going to be over soon," he continued, raising his voice over the siren.

"When Ron Paul is president, I'll be able to go to the hospital of my choice instead of letting socialist fascists take me to where they want to go. Public hospitals are really communist institutions."

"I wonder how much the city is going to charge me for this," Mr. Mackenzie asked. "I shouldn't have to pay for this. I pay enough in taxes, which are really confiscated wages," he said as he was wheeled into the nearest hospital. "They said the Tenet hospital was too far. Typical public employees, always taking the easy way out," he concluded through the oxygen mask.