N Carolina To Regulate Sale of Cereal

State Constitution Allows Sale of People

Extra: Electric Cars Are Dangerous

RALEIGH - State Sen. Tom Apodaca (R) announced that North Carolina will ban the sale of Tesla cars. At the same press conference, Sen. Apodaca said North Carolina will regulate the sale of cereals. 

"We are concerned that the public gets the right amount of grains in their diet. We have passed a bill requiring a registered dietitian be on the staff of every supermarket branch in the state. For example, if a Harris-Teeter branch did not have a staff dietitian, they would be fined one thousand dollars per day, and risk being shut down. We feel this is the only way North Carolinians get the roughage they need."

He continued, "If it were up to liberals, people could buy all the cereal they want went it went on sale, and they would flock to the emergency room, bleeding out their ass. Things are going to get expensive enough with Obamacare."

Senator Apodaca also said North Carolina would outlaw the use of e-mail. "We want people to use the postal service, not some newfangled thingy on their desk."

Senator Apodaca proudly noted "the state constitution allows the buying and selling of people. We found an 1860 law that has been ignored up to now."