REPORT: Military Coup Called Off

Military coup progress halted - Leader basket case

THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!

THIS IS NOT A JOKE OR PARODY!!! THIS IS REAL!!!

The leader of the on-going military coup, as reported by PP Simmons is now a hospital basket case.

The coup leader - everyone knows this guy's name - used his 3D printer to print a gun. When testing it, the gun exploded, and this patriotic American is unable to lead the coup.

I personally visited him at a VA hospital, but I am unable to disclose the location. I can only tell you it's in the woods. Here is my account of the hospital visit.

After a long walk, I finally found the room where this general is staying. He was resting in bed, with the blanket covering up everything except his face. While we were talking, he asked me to scratch under his chin. Then he asked me to scratch behind his ears.

When I got close to the general, I said "What a deep voice you have." He nodded. I then said, "What big eyes you have." He smiled. I said "What big hands you have!" "Oops," he said. Finally, I said, "What a big mouth you have." He pushed away the blanket.

"Hey, you're supposed to be a basket case!" I exclaimed, as he chased me around the room. I ran down the hall, through the woods and sat down at my computer to warn everyone.