"Urine more effective than vaccines"
WASHINGTON, DC - At a press conference today, Sen. Ted Cruz denounced Obamacare, calling it "more than socialism. It's the road to communism."
Sen. Cruz then said, "I have talked with medical experts in West, Texas and they have told me that drinking your own urine is more effective against disease than vaccines. There has never been a case of autism traced to urine. I recommend at least two glasses per day." Sen. Cruz then turned away from the microphone to compose himself.
"If everyone drank their own urine, they wouldn't need Obamacare. Hell, they wouldn't even need health insurance." Sen. Cruz then held up a glass of yellowish fluid, and drank it down in one chug.
"Hey, that has bubbles in it, " shouted one reporter. "Hey, there's foam at the top," shouted another. "That's beer," shouted a third.
Sen. Cruz replied, visibly shaking, "Liberal lies. You people are communists - Fabian socialists at the least. You people want everyone to be dependent on government, when the answer is right under you."
Sen. Cruz then concluded, "I am calling on all true Americans, not people born in Kenya, to refuse Obamacare and take my advice about self-reliance and home remedies."